It came as a huge shock when he ended it. Eventually, though, he will do or say something that is hurtful. It is a reflection of an inner part within the dreamer that needs attention. I would ask which parts of yourself or in that relationship you might have ignored or repressed?
Firstly, our dreams are about parts of ourselves not others, and we have little control over them. But given the dream comes back again and again, it may suggest that there is part of yourself which requires more attention. For example, is there a different relationship with a colleague or a friend where you feel guilt? If your ex is intruding in your dreams, it may be because there are parts of yourself that you have trouble appreciating but your ex thought were beautiful, says Frank.
Say your coworker takes credit for your work on a project, for example. Well, sorry to break it to you, but that means those dreams—particularly ones where you reconcile—can sometimes be messages from deep within you about missing your ex or wishing your current partner were more like them. If you dream about hooking up or having sex with your ex, you might be needing more intimate connections in your life, according to Frank.
And it doesn't necessarily mean more intimacy from your current parter—you might need it emotionally from your family or your friends. Did you dream that you and your ex had babies? Don't fret: Children represent creativity and the growth of ideas, says to Gary Toub, PhD, former director of training at the C. Jung Institute of Colorado, who specializes in Jungian analyses, dreams, and fantasies. That means that you might have dreamt about coparenting with your ex merely because you're excited about a project you just pitched at work, or because of some other cool creative endeavor.
Perhaps you dreamt that your ex apologized to you in your dream. First of all, finally. You probably don't miss your ex. You miss an aspect of who you were when you were with them. Extrapolate the mood of how you felt and lived your life, and leave the people who were part of it out of the equation. But how can we tell if we truly do miss the person we used to date in our waking hours?
Toub says we can never really know for certain if dreaming about an ex years later is about the actual outer person or symbolizes a part of ourselves. I would say that it is up to the dreamer to decide—to feel out for themselves. Because the people and events in our dreams are symbols hand-picked by our subconscious mind, you may learn something from jotting down what happened, how it made you feel, and what memories and feelings you associate with the things you dreamed about.
Over time, a clearer picture may emerge regarding what your dreams are urging you to think about. And if you just want that ex out of your dreaming life for good, give this simple trick a try. I've had enough. I don't want to dream about them anymore!
For more stories like this, sign up for our newsletter! Your Best Life. Type keyword s to search. Your ex is just a symbol. A therapist or protective BFF can be very helpful here. This is another instance where making a list of reasons you broke up can be helpful. In dreams, kids represent promise and new growth. Here, the dream likely means your ex allows you to give birth to a new part of yourself.
Was it a while ago? Ask yourself what else in your life is making you feel rejected. Has one of your BFFs started texting or calling way less? For instance, did your ex bring out your more extroverted side? Your subconscious is reminding you to flex your schmoozing muscle IRL.
Ask yourself: Did I lose a part of myself during my relationship with my ex that I want to get back? Sayonara, baby! Loewenberg recommends reflecting not for too long, though about the positive qualities of this ex.
Time to plan a digital date night with bae. She suggests trying to actively plan date and hanky panky nights to help reignite the spark. Are you becoming codependent?
Are you taking each other for granted?
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